Understanding Tantrums in Young Children in Grand Rapids, MI

Young children in Grand Rapids, like children everywhere, experience the world primarily through their emotions. Until the cortex (the reasoning and thinking part of the brain) is more fully developed, a child’s main way of telling you something is wrong is through their behavior and “big feelings” — crying, yelling, throwing themselves on the floor, or refusing to cooperate.

These tantrums are a normal part of child development and are especially common between 18 months and 4 years of age, though every child is different.

In West Michigan, added stressors like long, dark winters, being cooped up indoors, or changes in routine due to snow days can make tantrums more frequent or intense.

What Causes Tantrums?

Common Triggers

Young children are more likely to have big emotional outbursts when they are:

  • Stressed or overstimulated (for example, at a busy store or loud event)
  • Hungry or thirsty
  • Tired or skipping naps
  • Frustrated (especially when they can’t make themselves understood)
  • Confused by inconsistent rules or reactions from adults
  • Physically ill or not feeling well
  • Upset by an adult’s reaction (being laughed at, yelled at, or shamed)

In Grand Rapids, situations like long winter car rides, crowded indoor play spaces, or changes in childcare arrangements can also be common triggers.

How the Brain Affects Tantrums

The part of the brain most active in young children during tantrums is the limbic system, which controls emotions. The cortex, which helps with reasoning, problem-solving, and self-control, is still developing.

Because of this, young children:

  • Cannot reliably calm themselves on their own
  • Do not yet have the thinking skills to explain their feelings logically
  • Show their feelings through behavior, not words

They are not “doing this on purpose” to manipulate you. They lack the skills to cope with overwhelming emotions without help.

The Role of Adults: Co‑Regulation

Why Your Calm Matters

Until children can regulate their own emotions, they need adults to help them “co-regulate” — to borrow your calm when they don’t have any of their own.

When your child is having big feelings, it helps if you:

  • Stay calm and speak in a steady, soft voice
  • Stay close and make sure they are safe
  • Offer soothing touch if they accept it (a hug, hand on their back)
  • Remain caring and rational until the big feeling passes

This helps your child:

  • Feel safe and loved, even after an outburst
  • Learn, over time, how to calm themselves
  • Build a sense of dignity and self‑respect

Understanding Your Child’s Big Feelings

When your child is in the middle of a tantrum:

  • These feelings are frightening to your child
  • They want to avoid feeling this way as much as you do
  • They do not yet have the skills to cope alone
  • After the tantrum, they need to know they are still loved and accepted

Reminding yourself of these points can make it easier to stay calm and consistent.

Preventing Tantrums: Everyday Strategies

Support Healthy Routines

To help reduce the likelihood of tantrums:

  • Ensure enough sleep and rest
    • Protect nap times and early bedtimes, especially during darker winter months in Michigan.
  • Offer regular meals and snacks
    • Provide healthy snacks and water throughout the day to avoid “hangry” meltdowns.
  • Limit overstimulation
    • Be mindful of noisy, crowded environments (busy stores, large family gatherings, loud events).

Build Communication Skills

Many tantrums happen because children can’t express what they need. To help:

  • Talk and read to your child often to support language development
  • Encourage them to:
    • Point to what they want
    • Use simple words or signs
  • Remember that many 2‑year‑olds may only speak around 50 words; limited language is a common trigger for big feelings

Praise any attempts to use words, even if they’re not clear:
“Thank you for telling me with your words. That really helps me understand.”

Offer Safe Choices

Giving children small choices helps them feel independent and in control:

  • Let them choose which fruit to have for snack
  • Let them pick which pajamas to wear
  • Let them decide which toy to bring in the car or to bed

These small choices can reduce power struggles and tantrums.

Be Consistent with Rules

Children feel more secure when they know what to expect:

  • Think about your child’s request before you say no
    • Is it reasonable to offer a small treat after an hour of good behavior at the grocery store?
  • Once you set a limit, try to stick to it
    • Avoid changing your expectations just because you are tired or embarrassed
  • Keep rules as consistent as possible between parents, grandparents, and other caregivers

Consistency is especially important if your child spends time at different homes or childcare centers around Grand Rapids.

Spotting Early Warning Signs

Learn to notice your child’s behavior just before a tantrum starts:

  • Rubbing eyes, yawning, getting clumsy (tired)
  • Whining, clinging, or refusing to share (overstimulated or stressed)
  • Throwing things or shouting “no” more often (frustrated)

When you see these early signs, you can:

  • Offer a snack or drink
  • Suggest a quiet activity or story
  • Take a short break from a busy environment
  • Offer a nap or rest time

Sometimes a simple distraction — a favorite book, toy, or song — can prevent a full meltdown.

Coping with Tantrums When They Happen

During the Tantrum

When your child is in the middle of big feelings:

  • Keep calm
    • Model the behavior you want them to learn
    • Speak slowly and quietly
  • Ensure safety first
    • Move objects they could throw
    • Gently guide them away from sharp corners or stairs
  • Use distraction when possible
    • Particularly effective with younger children who have short attention spans
  • Decide about space
    • If it helps and is safe, you may give your child a little space (for example, in their room) to calm down
    • Some children become more distressed when left alone; if so, stay nearby and reassure them

After the Tantrum

Once the big feeling has clearly passed:

  • Comfort and console your child
  • Let them know they are safe and loved
  • Use simple language:
    • “You were really upset. That was hard. I’m here and I love you.”
  • If the tantrum was about avoiding something (like a bath), wait until they are calm and then:
    • Acknowledge their calm: “I’m glad you calmed down.”
    • Restate the expectation: “You still need to take a bath.”

Avoid giving in to unreasonable demands right after a tantrum, or your child may learn that outbursts are a way to get what they want.

Managing Your Own Emotions as a Parent

Parenting through frequent tantrums can be exhausting and discouraging. In Grand Rapids, long winters and fewer outdoor outlets can make it feel even harder.

If you feel your own anger rising:

  • Make sure your child is safe
  • If it is safe to do so, step away briefly
  • Take a few deep breaths
  • Put on calming music, get a drink of water, or focus on something neutral for a moment

Try to avoid:

  • Yelling, shaming, or threatening
  • Hitting or rough handling

These reactions can make tantrums last longer and increase your child’s fear and confusion. They also do not teach healthy coping skills.

If you do “lose it,” remind yourself that all parents struggle sometimes. Repair the moment by:

  • Apologizing simply: “I’m sorry I yelled. I was frustrated too.”
  • Reassuring your child that they are loved
  • Thinking about what you might do differently next time

Tantrums in Public Places (Stores, Restaurants, Church)

Public tantrums are especially stressful because of the feeling of being judged. This is a common issue for families in Grand Rapids at places like Meijer, Costco, Woodland Mall, or local restaurants.

Strategies for Public Tantrums

  • Stick to your plan
    • Try to follow the same tantrum strategy you use at home
  • Remind yourself
    • Most parents around you have been in your shoes and understand
  • Keep your voice calm and low
    • Avoid screaming or physical punishment — this increases stress for both you and your child
  • If needed, leave the situation
    • Take your child to the car or a quiet area to calm down
    • You can always come back later or finish your shopping online

Do not put yourself down if you occasionally give in. Focus on doing a bit better next time and keeping your overall approach consistent.

When Tantrums Are Frequent or Very Intense

Some children:

  • Have very strong temperaments
  • Have big feelings more often
  • Stay upset for a long time during each episode

This can strain a parent’s patience and affect family life.

Helpful Approaches

  • Plan your strategy in advance
    • Decide what you will do during a tantrum and practice staying consistent
  • Use the same approach every time
    • Predictability helps your child feel safer
  • Coordinate with all caregivers
    • Talk with partners, grandparents, babysitters, and childcare providers in Grand Rapids so everyone responds in similar ways
  • Avoid changing the whole family routine
    • Try not to organize everything around avoiding tantrums
    • Remember: as your child grows, they will gain better emotional control

Local Grand Rapids Resources for Parenting Support

If tantrums are frequent, very intense, or you’re worried about your child’s development, it can help to talk with a professional. In Grand Rapids, MI, you have several local options:

Medical and Behavioral Health Providers

  • Your child’s pediatrician or family doctor
    • Ask for a developmental check and guidance on behavior
  • Spectrum Health / Corewell Health pediatric clinics
    • Offer pediatric and behavioral health services
  • Trinity Health Grand Rapids
    • Pediatric care and referrals to child psychologists or counselors
  • Metro Health – University of Michigan Health
    • Family medicine and pediatric services
  • Mercy Health (now part of Trinity Health)
    • Pediatric and family support services

Public Health and Community Resources

  • Kent County Health Department
    • Parenting support, early childhood programs, and referrals
  • Grand Rapids Public Health and community clinics
    • May offer parenting classes and child development resources
  • Early childhood programs and parenting classes
    • Check with:
      • Grand Rapids Public Schools
      • Local Head Start and Great Start Readiness Programs
      • Area community centers and churches

If you’re concerned about your child’s speech, language, or development, ask your pediatrician about early intervention services in Kent County.

When to Seek Professional Help

Consider reaching out to a healthcare professional if:

  • Tantrums are very severe or last a long time
  • Your child hurts themselves or others during outbursts
  • Tantrums continue very frequently past age 4–5
  • You are worried about your child’s speech, learning, or social skills
  • You feel overwhelmed, depressed, or unable to cope

Your Grand Rapids pediatrician or family doctor is a good first step. They can:

  • Check for underlying medical or developmental issues
  • Refer you to local child psychologists, counselors, or parenting programs
  • Connect you with community resources in West Michigan

Key Points to Remember

  • Tantrums and big feelings are a normal part of child development, especially between 18 months and 4 years.
  • Young children’s brains are wired for emotion first; they cannot calm themselves reliably without adult help.
  • Your calm, consistent response helps your child learn to manage their emotions over time.
  • Avoid changing your entire family routine because of tantrums; focus instead on steady routines, clear expectations, and support.
  • If you are in Grand Rapids, MI, you have access to strong pediatric and behavioral health networks through local hospitals, clinics, and the Kent County Health Department.

With patience, consistency, and support, most children gradually learn to handle their big feelings in healthier, more manageable ways.