Family Violence in Grand Rapids, Michigan: What You Need to Know

Family violence (also called domestic violence or intimate partner violence) is a serious public health issue in Grand Rapids and across Michigan. Understanding what it is, why it happens, and where to get help locally can save lives.

What Is Family Violence?

Family violence is the use of:

  • Physical violence
  • Threats
  • Force
  • Intimidation
  • Emotional, psychological, sexual, or financial abuse

to control or manipulate a family member, partner, or former partner.

In these relationships, there is an imbalance of power. One person uses abusive behavior to control others. This can happen in:

  • Married or unmarried couples (including dating relationships)
  • Former partners
  • Parents and children
  • Siblings
  • Extended family members
  • Caregivers and people who are elderly or disabled

Family violence can affect anyone in Grand Rapids, regardless of income, neighborhood, race, or background.

Who Is Most Affected?

Research in the U.S. and Michigan shows:

  • Women and children are most often the victims of domestic and family violence.
  • Men are more commonly the perpetrators in heterosexual relationships, although people of any gender can be abusive.
  • About 1 in 3 women will experience physical and/or sexual violence by a partner or someone they know in their lifetime.

Certain groups in Grand Rapids and Kent County may be at higher risk, including:

  • Women living with disabilities
  • Indigenous and Native American women
  • Women in rural areas outside the Grand Rapids metro area
  • Young women
  • Women from culturally and linguistically diverse backgrounds (including immigrant and refugee communities in Grand Rapids)
  • Pregnant women
  • LGBTQIA+ and gender-diverse people

Local factors in West Michigan—such as economic stress, seasonal unemployment, and long, cold winters that keep families indoors—can increase tension and make it harder for victim-survivors to seek help or leave unsafe situations.

How Gender Inequality and Masculinity Contribute

Gender inequality between men and women is a major factor in family violence. Deeply held beliefs about masculinity can support or excuse abusive behavior.

Masculinity refers to social expectations and “unwritten rules” about how men and boys are “supposed” to behave. These expectations are learned through:

  • Family and community
  • Schools and workplaces
  • Media and social media
  • Laws, policies, and cultural norms

Common harmful beliefs about masculinity include:

  • A “real man” must be tough, powerful, and always in control
  • The man should be the “head of the household” who makes most decisions
  • Showing emotions or asking for help is “weak” or “feminine”

These beliefs can exist in anyone, including people who identify as women, trans, intersex, queer, or non-binary. There is no single “typical” perpetrator of family violence.

Common Traits of Perpetrators of Family Violence

Not every person who holds rigid views about gender becomes abusive. However, researchers have found that many perpetrators of family violence:

  • Believe in strict, controlling masculinity

    • Think a man must be dominant, in charge, and obeyed
    • Believe they should control major decisions, especially money and family rules

  • Avoid taking responsibility

    • Blame their partner, children, or circumstances for their behavior
    • Say things like “You made me do this” or “If you didn’t push me, I wouldn’t get angry”

  • Claim they “lost control” at home but stay controlled in public

    • Say they “just snapped” with family
    • Do not act violent with friends, coworkers, bosses, or police
    • This shows the violence is about control, not uncontrollable anger

  • Minimize or deny the abuse

    • Say “It wasn’t that bad” or “I was just joking”
    • Deny the impact of their behavior on their partner, children, or other family members

  • Use coercive control

    • Monitor phone, social media, or movements
    • Control money, transportation, or access to healthcare (including local providers like Spectrum Health, Trinity Health Grand Rapids, Metro Health, Mercy Health)
    • Isolate the victim from friends, family, or community resources in Grand Rapids

Some perpetrators grew up in violent or abusive homes, but most people who experience violence as children do not become abusers. Abuse is a choice.

What Is Coercive Control?

Coercive control is a pattern of behaviors used to dominate another person. It is a core feature of family violence, even when physical violence is not present.

Examples of coercive control include:

  • Constant criticism, humiliation, or name-calling
  • Threatening to harm the victim, children, pets, or themselves
  • Controlling all finances, refusing to let the victim work or access money
  • Tracking where the victim goes, who they see, and what they do
  • Confiscating keys, phone, or documents
  • Threatening to call immigration, police, or child protective services as a form of control

Coercive control:

  • Destroys a victim-survivor’s sense of safety and independence
  • Damages physical and mental health (including anxiety, depression, PTSD)
  • Over time, robs people of their identity and freedom

Every victim-survivor’s experience is unique, but coercive control is common in nearly all patterns of family violence.

Why Some Men Don’t Seek Help

While some men who use violence think about getting help, many do not. Reasons can include:

1. Acceptance of Violence

  • Believing they are entitled to dominate or control family members
  • Thinking it is acceptable to solve conflicts with violence
  • Not viewing their behavior as “serious enough” or abusive

2. Harmful Notions of Masculinity

  • Believing “real men” should be silent, strong, and never ask for help
  • Fearing they will look “weak” or “less of a man” if they admit they are wrong or need support

3. Fear and Shame

  • Feeling ashamed of their behavior but afraid to talk about it
  • Worrying about legal consequences, relationship breakdown, or community judgment

These beliefs can be especially strong in communities where privacy and “keeping family business in the home” are highly valued, which is common in many neighborhoods throughout Grand Rapids and West Michigan.

Getting Help to Change Violent Behavior

Change is possible, but it requires honesty, accountability, and support. Regular counseling with a trained professional can help people who use violence to:

  • Understand why they are abusive
  • Challenge beliefs about masculinity, power, and control
  • Accept full responsibility for their actions
  • Learn safer, respectful ways to handle conflict and emotions

Men’s Behavior-Change Programs

Men’s behavior-change or batterer intervention programs (sometimes offered through local agencies in Grand Rapids and Kent County) focus on:

  • Recognizing that violence is about control, not anger
    Violence is usually a choice, not a “loss of control.”

  • Understanding the impact of violence

    • How abuse harms partners and children
    • How it affects children’s mental health, school performance, and long-term wellbeing

  • Learning practical strategies, such as:

    • Self-talk:
      • Recognizing early signs of anger (tight chest, raised voice, racing thoughts)
      • Using phrases like “Anger will not solve this problem” or “I can walk away and calm down”
      • A counselor can help men develop self-talk messages that work for them
    • Time-out:
      • Agreeing with a partner ahead of time that either person can call a “time-out”
      • Walking away from the situation to cool down (not slamming doors or making threats)
      • Returning later, when calm, to talk about the problem respectfully

Time-out is not an excuse to avoid problems. It is a tool to prevent escalation and allow for healthier communication.

Impact on Adult and Child Victim-Survivors

Adults and children living with a perpetrator of family violence often live in a constant state of fear and anxiety. In Grand Rapids, this can be made worse in winter months when families are indoors more and have fewer opportunities to leave the house safely.

Victim-survivors may experience:

  • Sleep problems, chronic stress, headaches, stomach issues
  • Depression, anxiety, or post-traumatic stress
  • Difficulty concentrating at work or school (affecting local students in Grand Rapids Public Schools and surrounding districts)
  • Social isolation and loss of community support

Perpetrators in counseling must understand:

  • Regaining trust takes time and consistent nonviolent behavior
  • Their partner or family member has the right to end the relationship
  • Safety and wellbeing of victim-survivors always come first

Common Beliefs Among Perpetrators of Family Violence

Many perpetrators:

  • Use physical, sexual, financial, and emotional abuse to control their families
  • Believe they can behave however they want in their own home
  • Feel entitled to sex from their partner
  • Blame alcohol, drugs, stress, or financial pressure instead of taking responsibility

While alcohol and stress can increase risk, they do not cause violence. Many people experience stress or drink alcohol and never become abusive.

Local Resources in Grand Rapids, Michigan

If you or someone you know is experiencing family violence in Grand Rapids or Kent County, help is available.

In an Emergency

  • Call 911
    Ask for the police if you are in immediate danger or need urgent help.

Local Crisis and Support Services

These resources may change over time; if a number doesn’t work, contact 911 or 988 for guidance.

  • Kent County Health Department

    • Website: search “Kent County Health Department domestic violence resources”
    • Can provide information and referrals to local domestic violence and mental health services.

  • Grand Rapids Public Health / City of Grand Rapids

    • Website: search “Grand Rapids MI domestic violence resources”
    • Provides links to community organizations, shelters, and counseling services.

  • Local Hospitals and Health Systems (for medical care and referrals)

    • Spectrum Health / Corewell Health (Grand Rapids)
    • Trinity Health Grand Rapids
    • Metro Health – University of Michigan Health
    • Mercy Health
      Ask to speak with a social worker or victim advocate if you are in the hospital or clinic.

  • National Domestic Violence Hotline (24/7)

    • Phone: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
    • TTY: 1-800-787-3224
    • Chat: thehotline.org

  • National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN) (24/7)

    • Phone: 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)
    • Chat: rainn.org

  • 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (24/7)

    • Phone: 988
    • For emotional support, mental health crises, or if you feel overwhelmed.

If you are searching for help online in an unsafe environment, use a private browser if possible and clear your history after visiting domestic violence sites.

If You Use Violence and Want to Change

If you are in the Grand Rapids area and are worried about your behavior:

  • Contact a local mental health provider or counselor (through Spectrum Health, Trinity Health Grand Rapids, Metro Health, Mercy Health, or private practices) and be honest that you are using violence at home.
  • Ask specifically about batterer intervention programs or men’s behavior-change programs in Kent County.
  • Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233) and ask for referrals for people who want to stop being abusive.

Remember:

  • Wanting to change is a first step, but change requires action, accountability, and ongoing support.
  • Feeling ashamed is common, but it is more important to stop the harm and keep your family safe.

Key Points to Remember

  • Family violence is about power and control, not just anger or stress.
  • It can affect anyone in Grand Rapids, but women and children are most often the victims.
  • Harmful ideas about masculinity and gender inequality increase the risk of abuse.
  • Many men avoid seeking help because they fear looking “weak” or feel ashamed.
  • Self-talk and time-out strategies can help, but they must be part of a broader commitment to change.
  • Local and national resources are available to support both victim-survivors and people who want to stop using violence.

If you are in danger in Grand Rapids or anywhere in Michigan, call 911. Your safety—and the safety of your children—comes first.