Family Breakups: Tips for Children and Teens in Grand Rapids, Michigan

When a family breaks up, it can be confusing, painful, and scary for everyone involved. In Grand Rapids and across West Michigan, many children and teens go through separation or divorce in their families each year. You are not alone, and support is available locally to help you cope.

Family breakups can happen after a long time of arguing and unhappiness, or they can happen suddenly, with little warning. Either way, it is normal to have a lot of questions and strong emotions.

How a Family Breakup Can Affect You

When parents separate, family relationships change. You may need to adjust to:

  • New living arrangements in Grand Rapids or nearby cities (like Wyoming, Kentwood, or Walker)
  • Moving to a different house or apartment
  • Changing schools in the Grand Rapids Public Schools, Kentwood, or Forest Hills districts
  • Seeing one parent more than the other
  • Spending more time with grandparents or other relatives

You might feel:

  • Sad or like you are grieving a loss
  • Angry or resentful
  • Confused or worried about the future
  • Relieved if there was a lot of fighting at home
  • Afraid of more changes coming
  • Helpless or out of control

These feelings can come and go, and they may feel stronger during stressful times—like the start of a new school year, long Michigan winters, or holidays.

If you are struggling to cope and feeling really down for weeks at a time, you may be experiencing anxiety or depression. In that case, it is important to reach out for help from a trusted adult or a healthcare professional in Grand Rapids.

Moving, School Changes, and Friends in Grand Rapids

A family breakup can feel even harder if you have to move:

  • To a different neighborhood in Grand Rapids
  • To a nearby city in Kent County
  • To a completely new school

You might worry about:

  • Losing touch with friends
  • Fitting in at a new school
  • Changing sports teams, youth groups, or clubs

Grand Rapids has many community centers, youth programs, and school support services that can help you stay connected and make new friends, even after a move.

Talking About Your Feelings

It Can Help to Talk to Your Parents

If it feels safe, try to talk to your parents about how you are feeling. You might say things like:

  • “I feel really sad about what’s happening.”
  • “I’m worried about where I’m going to live.”
  • “I miss how things used to be.”

Remember:

  • You did not cause the breakup.
  • It is not your job to fix your parents’ relationship.
  • You should never be made to feel responsible for their problems.

You Can Also Talk to Someone Outside the Family

Sometimes it feels easier to talk to someone who is not directly involved. People you might talk to in Grand Rapids include:

  • A school counselor or social worker
  • A trusted teacher or coach
  • A close friend’s parent
  • A neighbor, grandparent, aunt, or uncle
  • A youth pastor, imam, rabbi, or other faith leader if you are involved in a local church or faith community

If you’re unsure where to start, you can also talk to your family doctor or pediatrician. In Grand Rapids, major healthcare systems like Corewell Health (formerly Spectrum Health), Trinity Health Grand Rapids, Metro Health – University of Michigan Health, and Mercy Health all have clinics and pediatric services where you can ask for a referral to a counselor or therapist.

The sooner you reach out for help, the sooner you can start to feel more in control.

Understanding What Is Happening

Asking Questions

Sometimes it helps to better understand why your parents are separating. You might:

  • Ask your parents why they decided to stop living together
  • Ask what changes you can expect in the next few weeks or months
  • Ask where you will live and where you will go to school

Think carefully about when to ask these questions. If someone is very upset or angry, it may be better to wait until they are calmer.

Sharing Your Preferences

If you feel comfortable, you can:

  • Tell your parents who you would prefer to live with and why
  • Share what is important to you (staying at your current school, staying near friends, keeping activities in Grand Rapids, etc.)

You can also ask your parents:

  • Not to use you to pass messages between them
  • Not to talk badly about the other parent in front of you
  • Not to pull you aside individually to complain about each other

Try to maintain your relationship with each parent separately, if it is safe and healthy to do so.

Living Arrangements After a Family Breakup

In Grand Rapids and throughout Michigan, there are several common custody and living arrangements after a separation or divorce. Some possibilities include:

  • One parent has sole physical custody

    • You live mostly with that parent.
    • The other parent may have scheduled visits.

  • Joint or shared custody

    • You spend time living with both parents.
    • Your time might be split by days, weeks, or weekends.

  • Primary residence with one parent

    • You live with one parent most of the time.
    • You visit the other parent on certain days, weekends, or during school breaks.

If your parents live far apart—maybe one stays in Grand Rapids and the other moves to another Michigan city or out of state—you may see the parent you don’t live with as often during:

  • School holidays
  • Long weekends
  • Summer breaks

When the Court Gets Involved

Sometimes parents can agree on custody and parenting time themselves. Other times, they need help from the Michigan family court system to make these decisions.

If a judge is involved:

  • Your point of view may be considered, especially as you get older.
  • You may be able to speak with a court-appointed counselor or guardian ad litem.
  • You can ask questions about what the arrangement means for your daily life.

If you are unhappy about a custody arrangement, talk to:

  • A trusted adult (relative, teacher, coach)
  • A school counselor
  • A mental health professional

They can help you understand your options and how to share your feelings in a safe way.

Common Feelings During a Family Breakup

Family breakups affect everyone differently. You might feel:

  • Upset or deeply sad
  • Angry or frustrated
  • Relieved that the fighting has stopped
  • Afraid of what will happen next
  • Resentful of one or both parents
  • Confused and overwhelmed

Sometimes these feelings can be stronger during:

  • Long, dark Michigan winters
  • Snow days or days stuck indoors
  • Holidays and family events
  • Birthdays and special occasions

If you notice that you:

  • Cry a lot or feel empty most days
  • Have trouble sleeping or sleep too much
  • Lose interest in things you used to enjoy
  • Have headaches, stomachaches, or feel sick often
  • Think about hurting yourself or feel like life isn’t worth it

you may be dealing with anxiety or depression. This is not your fault, and it is important to ask for help right away.

Getting Professional Help in Grand Rapids

You do not have to go through a family breakup alone. In Grand Rapids, there are many places where children and teens can get support:

School and Community Resources

  • School counselor or social worker at your middle or high school
  • Grand Rapids Public Schools counseling and support services
  • Youth programs at local community centers and churches

Medical and Mental Health Providers

Ask your parent or guardian to help you connect with:

  • Your family doctor or pediatrician
  • A child or adolescent therapist or counselor
  • Behavioral health services through:
    • Corewell Health (Spectrum Health)
    • Trinity Health Grand Rapids
    • Metro Health – University of Michigan Health
    • Mercy Health

These professionals can help you talk through your feelings, understand what is happening, and learn healthy ways to cope.

Local Public Health Resources

The Kent County Health Department and Grand Rapids Public Health can provide information about:

  • Mental health resources for youth
  • Community counseling programs
  • Low-cost or sliding-scale services for families

National and Online Support

If you need to talk and you are not ready to speak to someone face to face, you can reach out to:

  • 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
    • Call or text 988 any time, day or night
  • Crisis Text Line
    • Text HOME to 741741 to chat with a trained volunteer
  • Teen Line
    • Call or text (310) 855-4673 or use their online chat (check current hours online)
  • Online youth mental health forums (moderated) where you can read about others’ experiences and share your own in a safe space

These services are confidential and available across the U.S., including Grand Rapids.

Taking Care of Yourself During a Family Breakup

While you cannot control your parents’ decisions, you can take steps to care for yourself:

  • Talk regularly to someone you trust about how you feel.
  • Stay connected with friends, even if you move schools or neighborhoods.
  • Keep a routine—regular sleep, meals, and activities help you feel more stable.
  • Stay active, even in winter—go to the gym, walk at a mall, skate at Rosa Parks Circle, or join indoor sports.
  • Express yourself through journaling, art, music, or sports.
  • Limit social media if it makes you feel worse or more stressed.

Adjustment takes time—for you and for everyone else in your family. It is okay to ask for help more than once and to keep talking about your feelings as things change.

When to Ask for Immediate Help

Ask for immediate help from an adult or call/text a crisis line if:

  • You feel like you might hurt yourself or someone else
  • You are being hurt or threatened at home
  • You feel completely overwhelmed and do not know what to do next

In an emergency, call 911 in Grand Rapids or go to the nearest emergency department, such as:

  • Corewell Health Butterworth Hospital
  • Trinity Health Grand Rapids Hospital
  • Metro Health Hospital

You deserve to feel safe, heard, and supported. A family breakup is a big change, but with time, support, and the right help in Grand Rapids, Michigan, you can get through it and start to feel more hopeful about the future.