Children and Sibling Rivalry in Grand Rapids, Michigan

A sibling is a brother or a sister. In families across Grand Rapids—from Heritage Hill to Wyoming and Kentwood—it’s common for there to be strong feelings, heated words, and even physical scuffles between siblings. This doesn’t automatically mean there’s a serious problem.

Sibling rivalry is a normal part of growing up, and understanding it can help Grand Rapids parents support healthier family relationships.

Sibling Rivalry Is Normal

Fighting and arguing between siblings is one way children learn to:

  • Solve problems
  • Negotiate and compromise
  • Manage strong feelings like anger, jealousy, and frustration
  • Practice social skills they’ll use at school, daycare, and in the community

Sibling rivalry also helps children figure out their “place” in the family. A child’s temperament and personality play a big role in how well they manage their emotions, especially anger and frustration.

In many Grand Rapids families, especially during long indoor winters, siblings may clash more simply because they’re spending more time together in close quarters.

How Sibling Relationships Change Over Time

  • Young children often fight more when they have limited language and emotional skills.
  • As they grow, develop more vocabulary, and gain social skills, fighting usually decreases.
  • Some siblings get along well most of their lives; others have periods of closeness and periods of distance.
  • In some cases, siblings with very different temperaments or long-standing conflicts may never be especially close—and that can still be a normal variation of family life.

When Sibling Rivalry Is More Likely

Research and clinical experience show sibling rivalry is more common when:

  • Children are the same gender
  • Children are close together in age
  • Children feel they are being compared with each other
  • One child feels less valued or less noticed

Rivalry tends to be lower in families where:

  • Children feel equally treated by parents and caregivers
  • Each child’s individual strengths and personality are respected and valued
  • Parents avoid frequent comparisons (“Why can’t you be more like your sister?”)

In the Grand Rapids area, where many families juggle busy work schedules, commutes, and seasonal stress (like winter driving and snow days), it can be easy to overlook small signs of jealousy or hurt feelings. Making time to notice each child’s unique needs can reduce rivalry.

How Children See Their Sibling Relationships

Studies show that:

  • Parents often rate sibling relationships more negatively than children do.
  • Children themselves are usually more optimistic about their relationship with a brother or sister.

This means that even if the fighting feels intense to you as a parent, your children may still feel connected and loving toward each other overall.

Twins and Competition

Competition is often stronger in the case of identical twins, especially when:

  • They are constantly compared by family, teachers, or friends
  • One twin regularly outperforms the other in school, sports, or social activities

This can lead to:

  • Low self-esteem
  • Jealousy
  • Sadness or withdrawal

Research has shown that a twin who feels “outperformed” may give up an activity altogether to avoid direct comparison—even if they have strong potential in that area.

The Arrival of a New Baby in the Family

The birth of a new baby is one of the most common triggers for sibling rivalry and jealousy—whether your family lives near downtown Grand Rapids, on the Medical Mile, or in surrounding Kent County communities.

An older child may feel:

  • Jealous
  • Left out
  • Replaced or “pushed aside”
  • Angry that the baby is “taking” their parents’ time and attention

They may notice that:

  • The baby uses their old bassinet or crib
  • The baby wears their old baby clothes
  • Everyone seems excited about the baby and less focused on them

These feelings are normal. Children often express them through behavior, such as:

  • Tantrums
  • Clinginess
  • Regression (acting younger, like asking for a bottle or wanting to be carried)
  • Acting out or being rough with the baby

Respond to Feelings, Not Just Behavior

As a parent or caregiver, try to:

  • Focus on what your child is feeling, not just what they are doing
  • Understand that difficult behavior is often a way of saying, “I’m scared,” “I’m jealous,” or “I feel left out.”
  • Stay calm and consistent, even when you’re tired or overwhelmed with newborn care

Preparing Your Child for a New Sibling

Very Young Children (Under 18 Months)

Children under 18 months:

  • Have limited vocabulary and understanding
  • May not fully grasp what “a new baby” means

You can still:

  • Use simple language (“A baby is growing in Mommy’s tummy.”)
  • Keep routines as steady as possible
  • Offer extra cuddles and reassurance

Children Over 2 Years

For toddlers and preschoolers in Grand Rapids:

  • Talk about the new baby later in pregnancy, when there are visible changes and shorter waiting time.
  • Reassure them of their important place in the family.
  • Explain that babies need a lot of help, but that doesn’t mean parents love the older child any less.

Practical Preparations

Try to make changes before the baby arrives so your child has time to adjust:

  • If your child is still in a crib:

    • Move them to a bed a few weeks or months before the birth.
    • Make it a “big kid” promotion, not a loss.
    • If you wait until the baby comes home, your child may feel the baby “stole” their bed.

  • If you’re taking maternity leave or hiring a nanny:

    • Start these arrangements several weeks before your due date.
    • Let your child get used to new caregivers or routines while life is still relatively stable.

  • Outside activities:

    • Consider enrolling your toddler in a local Grand Rapids playgroup, preschool, or library story time.
    • Ongoing activities outside the home can provide positive attention, social time, and a break from baby-focused routines.

Involve Your Child Before the Birth

You can:

  • Talk together about possible baby names
  • Show your child photos of themselves as a newborn
  • Explain how tiny and dependent babies are (“The baby won’t be able to play yet, but you can help us take care of them.”)
  • Let them help choose a toy or blanket for the baby

This involvement helps older children in Grand Rapids feel included rather than replaced.

Breastfeeding and Managing Jealousy

Some Grand Rapids mothers find it natural and comfortable to breastfeed both an older child and a new baby. Every family is different, and there is no single “right” approach.

However, if you are breastfeeding both:

  • Always breastfeed the new baby first.
    • Newborns have more urgent nutritional needs.
    • Once the baby is fed, you can offer the older child the breast, cuddles, or another special routine.

If you choose to wean your older child:

  • Plan the change gradually, ideally before the baby is born or well after the baby is settled.
  • Offer other forms of comfort—extra story time, special one-on-one outings, or cuddling during a favorite show.

When Your Toddler Resents the Baby

It’s common for toddlers to resent a new baby who:

  • Takes up a lot of your time
  • Can’t play yet
  • Seems to get constant attention from visitors and family members

If given the chance, some toddlers may:

  • Be rough with the baby
  • Try to climb into the crib
  • Demand to be held whenever you hold the baby

Strategies to Reduce Rough or Jealous Behavior

  • Recognize this is a hard time

    • Acknowledge that big changes are happening.
    • Use phrases like, “It’s hard when the baby needs so much of Mommy’s time, isn’t it?”

  • Offer understanding and nurturing

    • Give extra hugs and physical affection.
    • Spend short, focused one-on-one time with your older child each day—even 10–15 minutes can help.

  • Praise the behavior you want

    • Notice and praise gentle touches: “You were so gentle with your brother. That was very kind.”
    • Praise patience: “Thank you for waiting while I fed the baby.”

  • Show them what gentle looks like

    • Demonstrate soft touches on a doll or stuffed animal.
    • Use simple words: “Soft hands,” “Gentle touch.”

  • Be a calm role model

    • Try to manage your own stress and frustration, especially during long winter days indoors.
    • Children learn a lot about handling conflict by watching how adults argue, apologize, and make up.

Regression: When Your Toddler Acts Like a Baby Again

After a new baby arrives, many toddlers in Grand Rapids:

  • Ask for bottles or pacifiers again
  • Want to be carried more
  • Have more accidents after being toilet trained
  • Use baby talk or want to sleep in your bed

This “regression” is usually:

  • A way to seek reassurance
  • An attempt to return to a time when they felt they had all your attention

How to Respond

  • Stay calm and patient.
  • Offer comfort without shaming: “You’re feeling little right now. That’s okay. I’m here.”
  • Gently encourage “big kid” skills by highlighting the positives of being older, such as:
    • Choosing their own clothes
    • Helping with simple tasks
    • Going to the park or library
    • Staying up a little later than the baby

You can also:

  • Offer occasional special rewards or outings for the older child—like a trip to a Grand Rapids park, the zoo, or a favorite local café—so they can see the advantages of being the oldest.

When Sibling Rivalry Becomes Sibling Violence

Most sibling conflict is normal and doesn’t indicate a serious problem. However, sometimes rivalry can become violent, including:

  • One child regularly hitting, kicking, or hurting the other
  • Threats or bullying that cause real fear
  • Property destruction aimed at a sibling

Usually, the child who is physically harmful:

  • Is older or bigger
  • Has more power or status in the family

When to Seek Professional Help in Grand Rapids

Seek urgent professional help if:

  • One child is regularly injuring another
  • A child seems fearful of being alone with their sibling
  • Conflicts are escalating and you feel unable to manage them safely

Local support options include:

  • Your child’s pediatrician or family doctor

    • Many families in Grand Rapids receive care through Spectrum Health, Trinity Health Grand Rapids, Metro Health, or Mercy Health clinics.
    • Your doctor can screen for behavioral, emotional, or developmental issues and refer you to child psychologists or family therapists.

  • Kent County Health Department

    • Offers family health resources, parenting support, and referrals to local counseling services.

  • Grand Rapids-area counseling centers and family therapists

    • Many local practices specialize in child behavior, sibling conflict, and family dynamics.
    • Ask your doctor or school counselor for a referral.

  • School-based counselors

    • For school-age children, Grand Rapids Public Schools and other local districts often have counselors or social workers who can help support family relationships.

If you believe a child is in immediate danger, call 911.

Local and National Parenting Support Resources

For parents in Grand Rapids and across Michigan, helpful resources include:

  • Your GP or pediatrician – First stop for concerns about behavior, emotional health, or safety.
  • Kent County Health Department – Information on child health, development, and local programs.
  • Grand Rapids Public Health / local community health centers – Parenting classes, support groups, and referrals.
  • National hotlines and support:
    • 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline – Dial 988 (24/7 support for emotional crises, including parenting stress).
    • National Parent Helpline – 1‑855‑4A PARENT (1‑855‑427‑2736).
    • Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline – 1‑800‑4‑A‑CHILD (1‑800‑422‑4453).

Check with your insurance provider or local hospitals (Spectrum Health, Trinity Health Grand Rapids, Metro Health, Mercy Health) for information about covered counseling services and parenting programs.

Key Points About Sibling Rivalry in Grand Rapids Families

  • Sibling rivalry is normal and often part of healthy development.
  • It tends to be more common when children are the same gender and close in age.
  • Feelings of jealousy often increase when a new baby arrives.
  • Respond to your child’s feelings, not just their behavior.
  • Prepare older children for a new sibling with early conversations, practical changes, and involvement in baby preparations.
  • If you are breastfeeding both children, it is important to breastfeed the new baby first.
  • Recognize this is a difficult time for your older child; offer extra love, attention, and praise for gentle, positive behavior.
  • Seek professional help if sibling conflict becomes violent or one child is regularly harming another.

By staying calm, offering consistent support, and using local Grand Rapids resources when needed, parents can help children build stronger, healthier sibling relationships that last well beyond childhood.