At the End – Dying Explained in Grand Rapids, Michigan

People Have Differing Levels of Knowledge About Dying

In Grand Rapids, as in many communities, people have very different levels of understanding about what happens at the end of life. Some want clear, detailed information about what to expect. Others prefer not to know too much. Unlike other major life events—such as birth, buying a home, or starting a new job—dying is not often talked about openly, even within families.

Local healthcare providers in Grand Rapids, including Spectrum Health, Trinity Health Grand Rapids, Metro Health, and Mercy Health, are increasingly encouraging honest conversations about death and dying so that patients and families can feel more prepared and supported.

Talking About Dying Can Be Hard

There is no “right” or “wrong” way to think or feel about death and dying. Your beliefs, values, culture, faith, personal experiences, and current circumstances all shape your views.

If reading or talking about this topic brings up strong emotions:

  • Reach out to trusted family or friends
  • Talk with your primary care provider
  • Ask to speak with a palliative care team through a local Grand Rapids hospital
  • Contact the Kent County Health Department or Grand Rapids Public Health for information on counseling and support resources

The last few weeks of someone’s life can bring many physical, emotional, and spiritual changes—for the person who is dying and for those who care about them.

If You Are a Carer in Grand Rapids, Understanding What to Expect Helps

If you are caring for someone at home in Grand Rapids—whether in the city, East Grand Rapids, Wyoming, Kentwood, or surrounding areas—your role will often change as the person becomes less able to care for themselves.

As people approach the end of life:

  • New symptoms may appear
  • Existing symptoms may become more severe
  • The person may be less able to walk, talk, eat, or manage daily activities

Staying in regular contact with:

  • Palliative care nurses
  • The person’s doctor or specialist
  • Home health or hospice services available in West Michigan

can help you understand what is happening and what to do next.

Feeling Less Alone With Support

A well‑coordinated palliative care or hospice team can often help a person remain at home or in their familiar setting, rather than needing to go to the hospital for every change or concern.

With support from Grand Rapids–area palliative care and hospice services, you can:

  • Have after‑hours phone numbers to call instead of dialing 911 for every issue
  • Get guidance on managing symptoms such as pain, breathlessness, or agitation
  • Learn what is normal in the dying process and when to ask for help

You may also want to talk about end‑of‑life arrangements before your relative or friend dies, including:

  • Funeral or memorial service preferences (for example, services at a local Grand Rapids funeral home or place of worship)
  • Burial or cremation wishes
  • Any cultural or religious practices important to your family

Advance Care Planning in Michigan

Advance Care Directives and Medical Decision Makers

Some people in Grand Rapids may already have documented their wishes for future care in:

  • An advance directive
  • A durable power of attorney for healthcare (a legal document in Michigan)
  • Other written instructions about life‑sustaining treatments or comfort‑focused care

They may also have appointed a medical treatment decision maker (sometimes called a healthcare proxy or patient advocate in Michigan) to speak on their behalf if they can no longer make decisions.

If you are unsure whether these documents exist:

  • Ask the person directly, if possible
  • Check with close family members
  • Ask their primary care provider or local hospital if any forms are on file

Having these documents in place can guide healthcare teams at Spectrum Health, Trinity Health Grand Rapids, Metro Health, or Mercy Health, ensuring that care aligns with the person’s values and preferences.

Being Present Near the End of Life

As someone approaches the last weeks or days of life, you may feel a strong desire to be with them—sometimes for many hours at a time. You may sit quietly, talk, pray, or simply hold their hand.

It is important to know:

  • The person may die when you step out of the room.
  • This is very common and does not mean you did anything wrong.
  • Many people seem to wait for a quiet or private moment to die.

You may notice signs that death is getting closer and be able to gather family and friends. However, sometimes death happens quickly, without clear warning signs. Every death is unique, just as every life is.

You might also find yourself thinking, “I just want this to be over.” This usually does not mean you wish the person dead—it often means you want their suffering, and your own emotional strain, to end. These thoughts are very common among caregivers in Grand Rapids and everywhere else.

Responding to Difficult Comments

People nearing the end of life may say things like:

  • “I’m tired of this.”
  • “I feel like a burden.”
  • “I just want it to end.”

These comments can be upsetting, but they are very common and often reflect emotional and physical exhaustion more than a specific wish to die.

Often Just Acknowledging Feelings Can Help

You might respond with:

  • “I hear how tired you are.”
  • “You are not a burden to me.”
  • “It’s okay to feel this way.”

If you are unsure what to say or do, ask a palliative care team member or hospice nurse. Teams in Grand Rapids have experience supporting families through this stage and can help you find words and approaches that feel natural to you.

Spiritual Care at the End of Life

Spiritual Care Is Broader Than Religion

Spiritual care includes any support related to:

  • Meaning and purpose in life
  • Questions about death and what comes after
  • Values, identity, and relationships

For some people in Grand Rapids, this may be rooted in religious traditions through churches, mosques, synagogues, or temples. For others, comfort may come from:

  • Time with family and friends
  • Favorite music
  • Being outdoors (as Michigan weather allows), perhaps looking out at a garden, the Grand River, or a familiar neighborhood scene
  • Having pets nearby

If spiritual or existential questions become distressing, you can:

  • Ask the palliative care team to connect you with a chaplain or spiritual care provider at a local hospital
  • Contact a local faith leader or community group
  • Ask about pastoral care services available through Grand Rapids healthcare systems

Palliative and hospice teams consider spiritual care an essential part of end‑of‑life support, not an “extra.”

Common Feelings During the Dying Process

As the dying process unfolds—sometimes over several days—it is normal for family and caregivers to feel:

  • Exhausted or emotionally drained
  • Restless or “on edge”
  • Guilty for needing a break
  • Numb or detached at times

In Grand Rapids, where winters are long and dark and weather can limit outdoor activity, seasonal factors can add to feelings of isolation or low mood. Reaching out for support is especially important during these times.

Thoughts such as “I’ve had enough” or “I don’t know how much longer I can do this” are common and do not mean you are failing your loved one. They are signs that you may need more support, rest, or respite.

What Happens Physically as Death Approaches

As a person nears the end of life, certain changes are common. These may occur over days or weeks. Often, more than half of the following signs are present:

  • Spending most of the day in bed
  • Needing help to move from bed to chair
  • Sleeping many hours and waking less often
  • Eating and drinking much less, or having difficulty swallowing solid foods
  • Talking less or not speaking at all
  • Occasional confusion about time, place, or people
  • Restlessness or picking at clothes or bedding
  • Needing help to get to or use the toilet

Other changes can include:

  • Irregular or changing breathing patterns
  • Changes in skin color or temperature, especially in hands and feet
  • Becoming more drowsy and less aware of surroundings

No one can give an exact time when someone will die. However, healthcare professionals experienced in end‑of‑life care can sometimes estimate more closely as death approaches.

Rather than focusing only on “How long is left?”, many families find it helpful to:

  • Express love and gratitude
  • Share memories and stories
  • Play meaningful music
  • Create a peaceful environment

If you are unsure whether death may be close, ask your palliative care or hospice team. They can explain what they are seeing and what it may mean.

Is Dying Painful?

For many people, dying is peaceful. With good palliative care:

  • Pain can usually be well controlled
  • Restlessness, agitation, or shortness of breath can often be treated
  • Medications and non‑drug approaches can be adjusted as needs change

The person may:

  • Drift in and out of consciousness
  • Sometimes wake and talk briefly
  • Then slip back into a deeper sleep

Over time, they usually become completely unconscious and cannot be woken. Even then, they may still be able to hear and sense the presence of people around them. Speaking calmly and gently, holding a hand, or simply sitting nearby can be very comforting.

Your Presence Matters

You can bring great comfort to a dying person through simple actions:

  • Sitting quietly with them
  • Holding their hand
  • Speaking in a calm, reassuring voice
  • Playing favorite music or familiar sounds (for example, a recording of Lake Michigan waves or a favorite Grand Rapids church choir)

These seemingly small gestures can be deeply meaningful. Even if the person does not respond, assume they can hear you.

Immediately after death, the room is often very quiet and peaceful. Family and friends may choose to:

  • Sit with the person
  • Pray or reflect
  • Call other relatives
  • Take time before calling anyone official

There is no “right” way to spend this time.

When Death Is Expected: What to Do in Grand Rapids

An Expected Death Is Not an Emergency

If a person’s death was expected and they were receiving palliative or hospice care:

  • You do not need to call 911, the police, or an ambulance.
  • A doctor or qualified nurse will need to certify the death, but this is usually not urgent.

Your hospice or palliative care team (whether through Spectrum Health, Trinity Health Grand Rapids, Metro Health, Mercy Health, or a local hospice agency) will guide you on:

  • Who to call first
  • What to expect in the hours after death
  • How to contact a funeral home

Having a Written Plan Helps

Before death occurs, it can be helpful to have a simple written plan that includes:

  • Names and phone numbers of:
    • The palliative or hospice care team
    • The person’s primary care provider or specialist
    • The chosen funeral home in Grand Rapids or nearby
  • Which family members or friends to call first
  • Where important documents are kept, such as:
    • Will
    • Advance directive or durable power of attorney for healthcare
    • Insurance information
    • Funeral or burial instructions

Knowing where these items are can reduce stress for family members during an already emotional time.

Local Resources in Grand Rapids and West Michigan

If you are caring for someone nearing the end of life in Grand Rapids, you can seek information and support from:

  • Hospital‑based palliative care teams at Spectrum Health, Trinity Health Grand Rapids, Metro Health, and Mercy Health
  • Local hospice organizations that provide home visits, equipment, and emotional and spiritual support
  • Kent County Health Department and Grand Rapids Public Health for information on counseling, caregiver support, and community resources
  • Local faith communities, counseling centers, and support groups for caregivers and those grieving

These services understand the unique challenges of living in West Michigan—from long, cold winters to transportation issues and family members living across the state or country—and can help you plan realistic, compassionate care.

Key Points to Remember

  • New symptoms may appear, and existing symptoms may worsen, as death approaches.
  • The person may already have appointed a medical treatment decision maker and completed advance care documents—ask if these exist.
  • Comments like “I just want this to be over” are common and usually reflect distress, not a rejection of loved ones.
  • Thoughts and feelings of exhaustion, frustration, or “having had enough” are very common among family and caregivers.
  • There are common indicators that death may be near—such as increased sleep, less eating, and changes in breathing—but the exact timing is rarely certain.
  • Support from Grand Rapids palliative care and hospice services can help you feel less alone and better prepared.

If you are unsure about what you are seeing or feeling, reach out to your local healthcare team. You do not have to go through this alone.